Fill Up My Cava - Part II

There are few moments in life when you can confidently say that you are in the presence of greatness. Most of mine, of course, have involved a bottle of wine, molecular gastronomy, live music, a piece of art or a novel that render me speechless and teary-eyed, a fat boy before an overflowing chocolate fountain.

I recently had one of these encounters, an impressive wine tasting hosted by Nicosia's Vinocultura at Aelia Wellness Retreat in Tseri that confirmed Nebbiolo as one of the few chosen varieties to fill up my cava.

Kyprianou, Altare, Karakasis & Barolo

Elio Altare, the legendary Barolo winemaker and grizzled veteran of more than fifty vintages, schlepped his way to The Rock where he guided us through a tasting of eleven of his world-class wines. In his broken English, Elio, a grandfatherly figure with a warm voice and boundless dreams, narrated his story with Nebbiolo and wine-making in northern Italy, assisted by Vinocultura's Andreas Kyprianou and Greece's Master of Wine Yiannis Karakasis.

Elio tells us that everything changed during a 1976 visit to Burgundy alongside Angelo Gaja, arguably the one man responsible for putting Piedmont on the wine map. Historically speaking, Barolos were born as sweet, oxidized wines that were difficult to drink and originally stored on the winery's roof. Precarious conditions didn't help either. Cellars were nary clean and tough to sanitize; Elio recalls potable water only arriving at his family winery in 1962. In Burgundy, after sampling wines that were that much more expensive and different to those being produced in his northern Italian home, Elio shifted gears and following Gaja's lead brought modern wine-making techniques into the region.

At first, everyone opposed him. His parents believed he was soiling Barolo's traditions. Elio, however, stood his ground. "If a son does the same job as the father, the economy takes a step back. The son must do better, that's progress," he tells us. "There's no success without mistakes, without experiments. If you're ambitious, you look for competition with the best."

The Big Boys of the Tasting

With Burgundy clearly on his mind, Elio introduced shorter maceration times and the use of rotary fermenters, which in turn churned out wines with more color, greater stability and nobler tannins. Nowadays, he uses no pesticides (out of respect for his clients), does not filter his wines, and adopts indigenous yeast to maintain the identity of the harvest,  winemaker and terroir.

Elio speaks about wine the same way you or I might speak of the love of our lives. It's that type of love where passion, compromise, disagreement, comfort and doubt come together to create something unique and endless. Elio tells us, "I don't drink a label, I don't drink a name. Wine is a great symphony, it is my job to give it harmony and balance. I make wines for me."

Ultimately, there is this comforting humility that shines through with each one of his words and actions. "I have not created anything, I have just added to the experience of vignerons in Burgundy and California," he affirms.

Here are my thoughts on these wines, which clearly depict what I refer to as the decay of wine tasting notes, i.e., the amount of wine consumed is inversely related to the volume and quality of notes taken.

Amount of Wine Consumed ∝ 1/Volume & Quality of Tasting Notes

This is a scientifically proven formula so don't @ me.

2017 Elio Altare Dolcetto d'Alba - Vibrant red fruit, cherries, licorice, mint and some meatiness in this fruit-forward wine. Tannins are really present but the red forest fruit shines through. Quite long and with an intact purity of fruit.

Dolcetto d'Alba & Friends

2017 Elio Altare Barbera d'Alba - Dark cherries, floral elements, notes of pepper. Silky, sweet tannins with cherries that sing. Not as bright as the Dolcetto d'Alba but a lot fuller. This is a wine I am convinced both The Wife Ph.D., and I could enjoy without argument considering her unhealthy obsession with full-bodied Shiraz.

2011 Elio Altare Larigi Langhe DOC - This was absolutely lovely. A remarkable nose with notes of chocolate, overripe yet bright fruit, potpourri and herbal components, spice, hints of oak. I found the big and heavy nose on this wine to be rather deceptive. Once tasted, it's sprightly, full of life, marked by the type of lightness that I fall head over heels for with a wonderful spicy finish and great length.

2011 Elio Altare La Villa Langhe DOC - Plenty of sweet spice, meaty, an appealing stink and rawness, some chocolate. Very smooth and clean and approachable after seven years.

2011 Elio Altare Giàrborina Langhe Rosso DOC -  Funky, meaty, caramel and sweet spice. Tannins are very firm, very present. Plenty of structure to age but not quite approachable at the moment in my opinion.

2014 Elio Altare Barolo DOCG - I love these noses! Stinky, raw, peppery and meaty. Plenty of sour cherries and a great structure.

The Barolo Lineup

2012 Elio Altare Barolo DOCG - A lot more fruit, floral almost, tannins have softened and wine is now a lot rounder and chewier.

2013 Elio Altare Barolo Arborina DOCG - Soy sauce, meaty with a beautiful body marked by sweet cherries and firm tannins.

2008 Elio Altare Barolo Arborina DOCG - More tertiary aromas, plenty of leather, a lot cleaner and elegant. An all-around balanced wine.

2012 Elio Altare Barolo Cerretta DOCG - Sweet spice, tobacco, meaty, smoky, loaded with cherries, a raspberry finish. Elegant as fuck (I actually wrote this on my notepad), clean, round, integrated tannins. Best wine of the night. By far.

2007 Elio Altare Barolo Cerretta DOCG - Bright fruit, floral, meaty, leathery with a finish marked by tar. Quite mineral with a great structure and tannins that are still alive and kicking. A lot less concentrated than the 2012.

For Part I, click HERE.

For an old blog post on the third variety (region) in my Triumvirate of Taste, click HERE.

Not So Innocent After All

Stools for the Hip!

Secret's out. At least to me who's always late or uninvited to the party.

Walk down Ledras Street at any time of the day and you'll probably find Il Forno and the sidewalks around the restaurant packed with people having pasta and pizza. I rarely go to Il Forno. Even though their pastas are great, privacy is not their forte; there's nowhere to hide from curious onlookers and the hustle and bustle of Nicosia's main pedestrian area. Enter Oinoscent Cava & Wine Bar, Nicosia's latest addition to its growing wine bar scene and home to a solid selection of French and Italian wines.

Oinoscent, latest project of the owner of the now defunct "The French Depot" on Kennedy Avenue, is a stylish, dimly-lit wine bar located diagonally across from Il Fourno and housed in an old shop right on Ledras Street. High tables and a long bar with stools are available for the hip or people with Napoleon complexes, lower tables for those with bad backs and a severe fear of heights. A large dark metallic wine rack sits behind the bar and mirrors cover the opposite wall, opening the space up. The locale's magnificent old tiled floors add a touch of rusticity to what is a chic yet casual establishment. Several cheese, charcuterie and fruit platters are on offer, now standard (and somewhat blah) fare at wine bars across the island.

Wine Anyone?

Here's the kicker, though. As we sat there with Mike Demo, The Wife, Ph.D., and Queen Insurance, patrons around us dug into large salads, bowls of creamy pasta and trays of pepperoni pizza. I flipped through the menu a few times in search of these elusive cooked dishes. Nothing. We then asked the waitress and she told us we could order anything off of Il Forno's menu, which is readily available if you are in on the secret. Here's my question to you—would you rather bump shoulders with other customers on a busy pedestrian thoroughfare or enjoy the same food indoors in a classy, low-key and more private environment? Whatever your choice, this sort of collaboration is a winner for both establishments; Il Forno gets a place where to send their overflow clientele, while Oinoscent builds a customer base and introduces more people to its fine wines.

2009 Asili Barbaresco

Best of all for wine lovers like me, this "partnership" allows you to match your food of choice with a great bottle of wine from the bar's solid selection. From perusing the wine list, it's obvious Oinoscent's strengths are the Old World. New World wines are available but I believe they take second place to their French (Bordeaux) and Italian (Piedmont) wines. Prices range from 20 Euros to the hundreds per bottle so there are plenty of options for all types of pockets. That evening, we sampled the 2012 Luigi Giordano Langhe Nebbiolo, a bright yet tannic red with concentrated dark cherry flavours, and the 2009 Luigi Giordano Asili Barbaresco, a more complex wine marked by notes of forrest berries, spice and cocoa.

Whine On The Rocks' Rating: 4 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

Oh You Pretty Thing!

Unless you believe a couple KEOs, a loaded tray of grilled meats and a bottomless appetite constitute the epitome of gourmet, haute cuisine is hard to come by in Nicosia. Only a handful of local restaurants possess the creativity, refinement and technique to produce truly innovative and hedonistic food, and none of them are better than No Reservations.

Center stage at No Reservations

After strapping a sleepy Little Miss Despot to her crib and letting the babysitters in on her head-swaying fondness for David Bowie's "Oh You Pretty Things" in case of emergency, The Wife, Ph.D., and I marked our first night out in what seemed like centuries with a visit to Chef Martino Speciale's restaurant. Housed on Stasinou 16 only a few meters away from the D'Avila Bastion, the high-end eatery is sparsely yet tastefully decorated and seats about thirty patrons. All eyes though land on the rectangular cream-colored bar and kitchen in the middle of the room that serves as culinary laboratory for Chef Speciale and his team. The tasting menu is fixed, a unique practice for a gourmet establishment on The Rock, and ch-ch-changes every two weeks based on seasonality and availability of fresh ingredients. Diners may opt for fifteen (35 Euros), twelve (30 Euros) or five (20 Euros) tasting dishes, and the hunky-dory wine list focuses on Italy—the 2008 La Braccesca Vino Nobile di Montepulciano for us that evening—with a few other Old and New World selections.

If I had to pick one word to describe our fifteen-course meal, subtlety comes to mind. The most successful dishes were balanced, delicate and artfully presented. We kicked off with a crunchy fried mozzarella ball that sat like a little egg on a nest of spinach chiffonade with smoked pepper. The potato-stuffed tortelloni with broccoli and Taleggio cheese that followed melted in my mouth, and the simple homemade orecchiette with shrimp and a tomato-chestnut broth was something your nonna would prepare on a cold night yet rather refined. Likewise, the seared scallop with pancetta and a cream of peas, as well as the foie gras terrine with figs and olives, were perfectly executed, while the five mini desserts, spearheaded by the luscious flavors found in the chocolate lava cake, amaretto ice cream and pistachio crème brûlée, were a fitting culmination to a local gourmand's dream of something—anything—different in The Rock's capital.

Dessert anyone?

Other components of the meal, I thought, would have benefited from some slight tweaking. While matched with a vibrant, aromatic truffle oil foam, the porcini mushroom strudel was too doughy and overwhelmed its stuffing's inviting earthiness. The polenta and cod cakes with stewed garbanzo beans called for a dash of acidity and some textural contrast to brighten the dish. Furthermore, the veal cheek, albeit tender and tasty, was plopped next to the turkey with rosemary-infused stuffing and seasonal vegetables instead of being served separately, something that would have prevented the muddling of each creation's fine flavors. Finally, and of crucial importance to an amateur wine aficionado like myself, this style of meal screams for a wine tasting menu (say, two whites, two reds and a dessert wine) to complement the courses and their well-thought-out progression.

Despite these minor hiccups, I crave a return visit to No Reservations to see what sort of brave new culinary tricks Chef Speciale has up his sleeves. Next time, though, I hope to drag along the temperamental Little Miss Despot—stroller, rattles, Ziggy Stardust action figure, polka-dot tights, drool and all—to introduce her to Nicosia's most refined restaurant and give the valiant babysitters a well-deserved rest.

Whine On The Rocks Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

Budget Island Wines: The List!

In this harsh economic climate, with your pockets desperate for cash, you might have to think twice before swiping any of your credit cards for a couple bottles of ten Euro wines. Personally, I have all but given up on my dream of making out on a daily basis with bottles of pricy Burgundy and settled for Tetra Pak wines, Cypriot moonshine and the local equivalent of Natural Light, a piss-in-a-can kind of beer that brings back looooovely memories of my first year in college. All because alcohol soothes the worried heart and empty wallet.

So in honor of these perilous times and before troika (the European Commission, IMF and European Central Bank) straps us onto that torture machine known as fiscal reforms, here's a list of budget island wines (under five Euros!) to make it all seem just like a bad dream. By the way, I will update this list regularly as I ramp up my household's consumption of cheap wine. Stay tuned.

2011 Marks & Spencer Nerello Mascalese (Sicily) - Nose dominated by red fruit and plenty of smokiness. A very fruit-forward wine with touches of cherry and raspberries. Light, smooth and with chewy tannins. For 4.50 Euros, great, and one to chill a bit before serving. Plus, they redesigned the label and replaced the cork for a screw-top—it's now much snazzier. 89/100.

2010 LIDL Kritikos (Kotsifalia and Mandilaria from Crete) - Forrest fruit and cherries on the nose. Very short finish. Smooth yet simple. Okay for the four Euro price-tag. 84/100.

2011 LIDL Santorini Assyrtiko - Muted yet fresh bouquet marked by citrus, orange-like aromas. To the mouth, a citrus explosion accompanied by the vibrant acidity associated to the variety. Little minerality, short, not as complex and maybe a tad gloppy compared to higher-end versions. For €4.99, though, definitely worth drinking and great for the summer scorch. 84/100.

Where's All The Si-Silliness Gone?

Allow me to be serious for once in my life. All I hope is that this very brief overview of Nero d'Avola, Sicily's premier red indigenous grape, is not overbearingly pedantic. Or taken over by one hefty paragraph lifted from a revered wine publication since I have never set foot on what I assume is a lovely Italian rock occasionally run asunder by slick-haired mobsters and tempestuous old ladies swinging ratty brooms at immature miscreants for stealing over-sized undergarments that have been hung out to dry.

According to Decanter's March 2012 issue and its sponsored guide on Sicily (pages 70 through 84),

2008 Zisola "Doppiozeta"

"It's the [island's] reds...that have captured the interest of an international market. Nero d'Avola became fashionable in the 1990s, and for good reason. Its bright cherry and plum fruit can be delightful, and more serious, oak-aged versions can have an appealing savoury intensity and lush texture...The heartland of Nero d'Avola is the region north of the coastal town of Agrigento, although Noto in the southeast is often thought to produce the finest and best quality."

The two excellent Sicilian wines I tasted along with The Wife, Ph.D., and My Zolpidem Supplier came from the Zisola Mazzei Estate located in Noto and can be purchased at Cava Inon Pnevmata in Nicosia.

2009 Zisola Mazzei Sicilia IGT (Nero D'Avola) - Nose recalls cherries, raspberries, powdered chocolate, pepper and some greenness. A meaty wine of medium length with juicy tannins and black cherry undertones. 87/100.

2008 Zisola "Doppiozeta" Noto Rosso DOC (60% Nero D'Avola, 30% Syrah and 10% Cabernet Franc) - Leathery, smoked meats, red fruit, vegetables and loads of spice come together in a powerful nose. Some chocolate and vanilla and fantastic meatiness through the mid-palate. Sweet, caramel-like finish. I have another bottle which I will age for a year or two or three and see what's up then. 90/100.

Good Ol' Texas

Here's the rundown of a typical two-week holiday in good ol' Texas. My little brother, Shawarma Leg Lover, currently obsessed with cross-fit, farro and whiskey Old Fashioneds, facetiously tells a gathered family that he's come across faith in strip clubs and that his new-found religion's missionaries are the Brazilian dolls in Michel Telo's video for "Ai Se Eu Te Pego." My mother, Mrs. Broken Record, this time around relatively content with her oldest son's body mass index, focuses her attention on him trimming his beard and growing his nails just a bit longer to have a chance at Best in Show. My father, Mr. Flog, home for the first time in months yet missing his bachelor pad in São Paulo, goes on long bike rides decked in loud lycra and a self-imposed "green" diet better suited for a guinea pig or New Age hippie. The Wife, Ph.D., scavenges through SALE racks and baskets for designer items, squealing like Justin Bieber's greatest fan whenever she unearths a 200 Euro pair of jeans on The Rock for $29.99 and an additional 30% off at the register. We all ooh and aah at my middle brother's Australian son's antics over Skype and try to egg him on to saying cookie or pretend to be a gorilla. We eat well. We drink well. We ridicule each other, also very well. Meanwhile, most of my hours are spent in search of new literary fiction, bottles of Oregon Pinot Noir and red skinny Levis jeans (now a proud owner) to keep that stubborn bastard of insanity at bay.

2009 McPherson Cellars "Tre Colore" 48% Carignan, 37% Mourverdre, 15% Viognier (Lubbock, Texas) - Burst of red fruit on the nose. Cherries and raspberries. Myrtle berries according to Mr. Flog. On the palate, cranberry, raspberry, papaya (?!?) through the middle. Short, light and fresh. 85/100.

2010 "Serenu" Vermentino di Gallura DOCG (Sardinia, Italy) - A nice nose of white pepper, cream and pears. Honey, baked apples, pears, vanilla to kick us off. Tangy citrus on the sides, a fatty middle. Served at room temperature. 87/100.

2009 Domaine Argyrides Maratheftiko - Dark fruit, mulch, chocolate, flowers and coffee on the nose. Sweet beginning with notes of blueberries. Short with smooth tannins. 87/100.

2009 Villa Maria Unoaked Chardonnay Hawkes Bay (New Zealand) - Aromas of white pears, flowers and pineapple. Medium bodied wine with flavors of peaches, pears, pineapple and a tangy citrus finish. Not my favorite, a bit empty. 82/100.

Venice On The Rock

This article originally appeared in Cyprus Gourmet eNewsletter 50 and The Financial Mirror issue of  July 6 - 12, 2011.

A few years ago while on holidays in Italy, my wife suggested visiting Venice, a city which, to be honest, never appealed to me given the hype. Being a good husband, though, I caved and booked a pair of train tickets from Rome to Serenissima for a three-day sojourn on our way back to Cyprus. I must admit that love is a word I sparsely use. However, that is the first thing that crossed my mind as we walked down the stairs outside the Stazione di Santa Lucia and witnessed Venice’s waterways unfolding before us like long wrinkled bed sheets being hung out to dry. The ornate edifications, the snail-paced gondolas, the blue sky and its streaky clouds reflected on the shimmering water, tourists sitting on the sidewalks dangling their playful feet over the ripples, and a lingering breeze all awoke us to the city’s majesty after the long journey. We spent our time avoiding Piazza San Marco and the throngs and losing ourselves in Santa Croce, San Polo and Dorsoduro where rich foods, local wines and espressos in casual osterias recharged our batteries for our next labyrinthine wander of the city.

To our surprise, we recently came across a pleasant reminder of Venice in Nicosia. Inaugurated a few months ago, Il Bàcaro is a traditional Venetian eatery close to Avlaia on Prodromou Avenue. The restaurant is housed in a cozy corner shop with ample outdoor seating, a gorgeous wooden bar inside and an overall rustic, somewhat French Country sensibility. According to its owners, Zenios Tselepis and his Italian wife, Manuela Migotto, the main idea behind Il Bàcaro is to focus on a limited selection of small dishes and snacks (cicchetti) instead of full-course meals. Additionally, he mentioned during our brief chat, the restaurant strives to change its lunch and dinner menu on a daily basis, a practice which certainly adds a refreshing element of surprise to each visit.

On our night there, we sampled most of the dishes listed on the chalkboard behind the bar. The chicken liver pâté was deliciously creamy and matched perfectly with the sweetness of the raisins sprinkled on the plate. The cheese platter was stacked with wedges of Le Moulis, Asiago and Cumin Tomme, black olives, roasted almonds and red grapes. We had pesto, fresh mozzarella and tomato tramezzini (triangular sandwiches with the crust removed), an Italian sausage with a mild sweet flavor, and a well-executed melanzane alla Parmigianna. Personally, the highlight was the baccalà alla Vicentina (dried salted cod, Vicenza-style), slow-cooked in milk and quite delicate in flavor. I could’ve easily had a large bowl of the fish, mopped up its creamy, oily sauce with some fresh bread, and dropped my head on the wooden table for a long nap. Keep in mind that for those customers with larger appetites, two penne pastas—that night, one with pesto and another topped with zucchini and pancetta—are on offer. For dessert, we split a torta di pesche e amaretti, which we agreed was too doughy and could have benefited from more fresh peach slices.

Il Bàcaro also functions as a wine bar, providing its patrons with exclusive wines from the Veneto and Friuli Venezia Giulia regions of northeastern Italy. Many customers have asked Zenios to expand the wine list to include other areas, but he is adamant in his desire to focus solely on the Venetian. Prosecco, Venice’s more affordable answer to France’s Champagne, stars alongside several reds and whites that are available either by the glass or the bottle. Prices are reasonable, ranging from €20 to €35 for a bottle or about €5 for a glass. That night, I drank a couple glasses of the 2009 Casa Geretto ‘Confidenza’ Refosco, a decent wine with notes of dark cherries that was unfortunately served too chilled for my taste. Regardless of this, I can picture the wife and me sitting on Il Bàcaro’s patio, sipping on a glass of Venetian bubbly, nibbling on the bite-sized portions and shutting our eyes with the dear hope that when they open again we find ourselves observing the city from a vaporetti chugging slowly along the Grand Canal. 

Il Bàcaro – Vini E Piattini, 131 D Prodromou Avenue, 2065 Nicosia. Tel: 22 676969 or 99 143980. www.bacaro.com.cy. Lunch Tuesday to Saturday 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and Dinner Wednesday to Saturday from 7 p.m. to about 1 a.m. €20 per person with a glass of wine.

Whine On The Rocks Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

Still Feeling Blue

Wine bars on The Rock are as common as surfable waves on its beaches. A few haphazard ripples will have most Cypriots complaining that the sea is too rough and that it is impossible for them to swim. And by swim, they generally mean getting their torsos wet and floating around for five minutes before making their way back to their sunbeds, iced coffees, magazines and newspapers, and loud beach-side bickering. The only stroke you might come across on a Cypriot beach is the heat stroke. I keep telling The Wife, Ph.D., though, that if The Rock was regularly rocked (no pun intended) by waves, she probably wouldn't see me on weekends; I would be somewhere, as playful and cheerful as a baby dolphin in the Pacific, getting pummeled with my body-board by the whitewash surf. But life is never perfect and so I am stuck with water that moves less than a stiff.

Last night, along with The Wife, Ph.D., My Life Coach, My Zolpidem Supplier and her cousin, I checked out the new-and-improved Blue Wine Bar & Lounge at the Classic Hotel in old Nicosia. In its previous incarnation, the joint was nice enough but lacked seating and lighting, and the back-end couches seemed to have been recycled from a gentleman's club. The new place is a long, bright and welcoming room with plenty of tables (both low and high), a few couches, a modern and well-stocked bar, and a pretty comprehensive menu including platters, salads, grilled meats and sandwiches. Also on offer was a 10 Euro antipasto buffet that included smoked salmon, sun-dried tomatoes, olives, grilled vegetables, and other finger foods. The wine list, though not mind-blowing, has a few good Old World and New World options for local oenophiles. The music, basically old school rock as part of their Thursday Forty-Plus Night, included classics by The Doors, The Rolling Stones, The Animals, Phil Collins, 1980s U2, Pink Floyd and others, all thoroughly enjoyable yet played at a deafening volume for the kind of establishment. Overall, however, I was feeling it as a pleasant place to kickback and sip on some wine.

We ordered a bountiful cheese and charcuterie platter, which included four types of cheese, dried fruit, salami, prosciutto and roast beef, and a red berry coulis, and a well-made salad with fresh mozzarella, sun-dried tomatoes and greens. To accompany it all, we received white sesame bread, served warm and drizzled with olive oil and poppy seeds, and an assortment of crackers that arrived only after My Zolpidem Supplier found the right words in Greek to voice to the bar's manager her desire for crunchy goodness. Assuming we would only consume one bottle of wine (it was a school night after all), I started us off with the 2003 Felsina Berardenga Chianti Classico Riserva, a short, round and smooth wine with hints of sour cherries, raspberries, vanilla and cinnamon. I found it a bit flat in the mid-palate and with bitter tannins but the ladies enjoyed it.

Surprisingly enough, the ladies wanted more, more and more. So for the sake of the blog, I went with the 2006 Villa Maria Reserve Pinot Noir (Marlborough, New Zealand), fully aware that it made no sense whatsoever to have it follow the Tuscan wine. But I really wanted the ladies to smell some earth, drop their noses to the ground and soak up some stink. Yes, it was earthy (mulch and hay) but well-complemented by red fruit, as well as some chocolate and coffee. Its alcohol spiked a bit too much towards the end, yet the ladies, except for My Zolpidem Supplier's cousin, preferred it to the Chianti Classico.

All in all, it was an excellent night in good company with plenty of juice. As we left the place, the manager, a very personable older man, jokingly asked me to call him for backup next time I was out with four pretty, successful and distinguished women. If only there were waves in Cyprus, I thought, he could entertain the ladies (albeit not The Wife, Ph.D., she be mine) while I surfed and no longer felt blue come summertime. But wine, rocks and words are what life have set on my plate so...chin-chin.

Whine On The Rocks Rating: 4 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

Off The Rock: Houston Puts The H In Whine

Day 1 - Christmas Eve

Jet-lagged and sporting a gelled coiffure and tucked-in button-front that only make an appearance on grandiose occasions, I stumbled into my parents' best friends' home in some Houston suburb called Jennifer or Emily or Ashley. On the kitchen counter, Brazilian salpicon, one-hundred Euros worth of Norwegian cod smuggled into the country by my wee brother, Shawarma Leg Lover, and probably the luscious-est chocolate mousse I have ever set my tongue on. Also, several bottles of mediocre Argentine Malbec (the 2009 Gascon Malbec was the better of the lot), some Portuguese vinho verde to accompany the cod, and a jug of 2010 Georges Duboeuf Beaujolais Nouveau that swirled down the kitchen sink faster than Speedy Gonzales on an HGH-infused re-fried bean diet. Mr. Flog made a fool of himself with his gimpy jig, lowering his right knee and pretending his fists were maracas, while The Wife, Ph.D., led the Brazilian crowd in a clumsy rendition of syrtaki, the dance immortalized in the 1964 film classic, Zorba The Greek. No wonder after eleven-plus bottles of wine and shots upon shots of cachaca and zivania.

Wine Highlight(s): 2007 Veramonte Primus (65% Cabernet Sauvignon, 20% Syrah, 8% Merlot and 7% Carmenere)

Day 2 - Among Celebrity Chefs in Nawlins

It's time to stop watching the Food Network; damn channel has been clouding my already limited culinary judgment. I never really trusted celebrity chefs until I started seeing them churn out wonders on television. So one night during our two-day visit to New Orleans I made the executive decision of visiting Emeril's after reading a positive review in the New York Times. Let's just say that there was nothing remarkable to the meal; I had a rib-eye steak with blue cheese and an arugula salad, something I could have easily replicated at a half of the cost on The Rock. My brother, though, guns a-blazin' as usual, called his quail crap. To my family, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. At least, I seek comfort in the fact that we weren't being served Rachel Ray's sketchy concoctions and that the Wife, Ph.D., enjoyed her shrimp dish.

Wine Highlight(s): 2007 Alexana Revana Vineyard Pinot Noir (Willamette Valley, Oregon)

Day 3 - Mano a Mano at a Mano Restaurant in NOLA

One of the best meals we've had in a long time accompanied by a complex Aglianico del Vulture that left in its trail a seductive caramel, butterscotch finish. My brother wasn't complaining after downing handmade Macherroni alla Chitarra with tomato-braised goat ragu and thyme, a seared duck breast with satsuma, saba and rosemary-pistachio gremolata, and the flour-less chocolate and walnut cake with "cooked wine" sauce. Happiest of times.

Wine Highlight(s): 2005 Elena Fucci Titolo Aglianico del Vulture (Basilicata, Italy)

Day 4 - H-Town

This will be forever known as the night H-Town put the H in whine. All credit goes to my parents' friend, Dos Leches, a six-foot tall redhead Scot who suggested there was room for an H in this blog's title. Who knows why inspiration struck then and there for Dos Leches. Maybe it happened thanks to the three bottles of wine and five hundred ml of rockin' Texan vodka (Tito's Handmade Vodka) we consumed. Or she felt a spark as she harked back to her youth and friendship with creative pop geniuses Robert Smith and Nick Cave. Or perhaps it was Shawarma Leg Lover's girlfriend's made-for-American-Idol angelical soprano singing of old Mexican dirges. In any case, the new title works since fifty-seven-point-eight percent of what I write is awfully whiny.

Wine Highlight(s): 2008 Bethel Heights Estate Grown Pinot Noir (Eola Amity Hills, Willamette Valley, Oregon) and 2007 Avalon Cabernet Sauvignon (Napa Valley, California)

Day 5 - Wine on Sale!

I love supermarkets. So when I found out that Central Market was offering its customers a twenty-five percent discount for purchasing thirteen or more bottles of wine, I shrewdly convinced my parents that it would be wise for them to stock up for Two-Oh-Eleven. Of course, they gave me carte blanche to select most of them. Mr. Flog and his friends are obsessed with Malbec so he opted for two bottles of Argentina's sort-of-finest along with a bottle of the 2007 Veramonte Primus we had enjoyed earlier. Like a teenie bopper with too much Christmas money at Forever 21, I ended up cross-eyed trying to figure things out. Somehow, I managed to pick an Australian Shiraz, a California Petit Syrah, a Portuguese Douro, a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, a Rioja Tempranillo, an Oregon Pinot Noir, a Rueda Verdejo, an Argentine Torrontes, a California Cabernet Sauvignon and a California Zinfandel. Goes without saying that the following night I cracked open two of the more promising bottles to share with friends and family.

Wine Highlight(s): 2008 Elk Cove Vineyards Pinot Noir (Willamette Valley, Oregon) and 2004 Leeuwin Estate Siblings Shiraz (Margaret River, Australia)