Friday, July 29, 2011

The Amazing Adventures Of R.O.I. and The Duke of Ducati

The outside
It's worthwhile to invest time on your friends. Once a week—generally on Wednesdays—Return On Investment (R.O.I.) breaks free from his wife and daughter and heads out for beers and cholesterol-on-a-plate with The Duke of Ducati and a few other of his boys. I tag along only every two weeks or so because my return on investment is greater when I spend my hours with The Wife, Ph.D., who with a phone call or two can have me dispossessed of all those things that are near and dear to my heart. However, I do guarantee myself one thing when I go out with R.O.I. and The Duke of Ducati: a slew of totally inappropriate jokes involving gender, race, sex, weight, religion, politics, hair color, culinary preferences, musical tastes and Chuck Norris. You see, R.O.I. is one of those guys who has an encyclopedic collection of jokes hanging onto his memory like stubborn fleas and he loves to share them with an audience as long as there are ice-cold brews flowing through his veins.

The inside
Since The Duke of Ducati is somewhere in central France (hopefully) cavorting with plenty of refined and distinguished ladies, two nights ago I chose to accompany R.O.I. on his weekly getaway to Brewfellas, our newest hangout and home to what I consider The Rock's most eclectic beer selection. Wedged between several abandoned stores at the end of Ledras Street, this tiny bar is unpretentious yet cool. A few wooden tables and benches nestled on the sidewalk provide visitors with decent sitting room, while inside, a small rounded bar serves as sales counter and rustic wooden shelves leaning against the exposed brick walls stock craft bottled beers from the USA, Belgium, England and Scotland, among others. Besides its attitude, what I love the most about this joint is their passion for India Pale Ales, something I obsess with as regularly as The Wife, PhD., refers to me as a loser. In case you ask, that'd be a lot. Brewfellas carries at least seven IPAs, four of which I sampled that night with R.O.I.: Flying Dog's Snake Dog IPA and Raging Bitch Belgian-Style IPA (MD, USA); Anderson Valley Brewing Company Hop' Ottin IPA (CA, USA), and; Great Divide Brewing Company Hercules Double IPA (CO, USA). They also sell San Francisco's iconic Anchor Steam, Scotland's Brew Dog (which produces my latest mistress Punk IPA) and Harviestoun Brewery's Old Engine Oil Porter, and Belgium's Gulden Draak, a wonderful dark sweet beer we shared that evening as a sort of nightcap.

Who thought this was possible on The Rock?

"Alcohol is like love, " he said. "The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off."

- Raymond Chandler, The Long Good-Bye

The only good kind of Raging Bitch
Brewfellas plans to expand into one of the adjacent stores to offer more seating to Nicosia's beer lovers. Once they have the extra space, I hope they add a few edible items to their menu; the bar is the perfect place to unwind after a tough day at work on this blog (cough, cough) with a bottle in hand and maybe a charcoal grilled cheeseburger or assorted sausage platter. For now, though, management allows Brewfellas' patrons to bring their own food as long as it's not too messy, stinky or plain bizarre. My guess is that if management asks nicely, R.O.I., The Duke of Ducati and the rest of the boys wouldn't mind chipping in a few hundred Euros each as silent (drunk) partners for a large Weber gas grill with the necessary burger-flippin' tools, a set of plastic IKEA plates and cutlery, some beer-themed napkins and jars of spicy English mustard, and the hiring of a couple of colorful waitresses dressed to the nines in scant Brewfellas (the devilish logo is great) halter-tops and Daisy Dukes. I bet R.O.I. will even throw in a few sausage casings gratis. Hell, if all that ever happens, I might just start investing those wasted hours on Wednesday evenings with my friends. Joke anyone?

Whine On The Rocks' Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

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