Off The Rock: Ktima Pirgakis

Upon exiting E65 on our drive north from Kalamata to Agiorgitiko's home in the Peloponnese, the small town of Nemea—its main road like that of any sleepy village seemingly decades removed from a major metropolis—slumbered away. 

There is nothing particularly remarkable about the town that lends its name to one of Greece's major wine regions; a few wineries announced by brown signs sit along the side of the road, old men and women lounge on stoops drinking coffee, a mishmash of architectural designs rise above the sidewalks.

View of Asprokabos from Ktima Pirgakis

Once you leave Nemea, however, and trudge along narrow potholed roads to Asprokabos, an up-and-coming sub-region just south of the Corinth, that ingrained idea one has of what wine country should look like reveals itself with each turn. Grapevines—perfectly lined up in a domino rally waiting for father time to tap over—extend uninterrupted towards the sea with nary a sign of concrete to impede their march.

We arrived at Ktima Pirgakis to find Konstantinos Pirgakis, his charming wife and their two daughters waiting for us. Upon arrival we notice that the winery, which sits at 815 meters above sea level, rewards its visitors with an awe-inspiring view of the vineyard-covered hills of Asprokabos.

For those of you not in the know, Asprokabos, which stands between 650 and 850 meters above the Mediterranean, is a distinct Greek terroir equipped to make phenomenal wines. According to Yiannis Karakasis, one of two Greek Masters of Wine (MW), this specific region of Nemea "is one of the coolest mesoclimates in the country" where "there is [a] big diurnal temperature range of about 15 ºC in the winter and even 20 ºC during summertime, which is crucial for the preservation of acidity and for building tannin structure." Considering its relative coolness, says Karakasis, this remote region, which is at present inhabited by only a handful of wineries, is capable of producing "a more exotic version of Nemea, more Old World in style perhaps."

Konstantinos Pirgakis

Obviously, one of those five is Konstantinos Pirgakis' growing operation, which, at the time of our visit in July, was undergoing a significant expansion, one that should facilitate the winery's hosting of wine tourists like The Wife, Ph.D., Little Miss Despot and myself. Rooms for rent, a kitchen for culinary events, and two separate wings for red and white wines are in the works and should be completed, if my memory serves me well, by 2018. Still, among the bricks, bags of cement, naked rooms and rows of grapevines swaying at a distance, Konstantinos, in a mix of broken English and harmonious Greek, played the role of host to perfection.

Today, he told us, Ktima Pirgakis consists of twelve hectares of land. For years, Konstantinos' father owned and cultivated vineyards in his native village with some plantings now only a decade removed from being a half-century old. Upon starting the winery in 2008 and inheriting his father's vineyards, Konstantinos initially dedicated his efforts at producing and selling Agiorgitiko. He quickly realized, however, that with the market saturated by these jammy, velvety wines, it was a better bet to diversify a bit and introduce grape varieties alien to Nemea. Perfectly in line with his penchant for experimentation, Konstantinos planted the unique—by Greek standards—Tannat and Petit Verdot to grow alongside other international and local varieties such as Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Chardonnay, Malagouzia, Assytriko and the region's ubiquitous Agiorgitiko.

The Big, the Bold, the Beautiful

Konstantinos believes that ninety percent of wine quality comes from the grapes and holds Asprokambos' grape growers in high esteem. He praised the sub-region's growers for being trustworthy, organized and professional, churning out high-quality grapes on a yearly basis in a terroir that requires no irrigation. As proof, Konstantinos compared the vineyards in Asprokabos to those down in central Nemea: as evinced from our drive up the hills, the first are symmetrical and evenly laid out, while the latter take on a more haphazard and disorganized pattern. Obviously, Konstantinos recognizes that the ten percent left to the human hand remains important since a loose screw, wrong turn or weak wrist can turn perfect grapes into high-end vinegar.

In addition to the work done by the local growers and winemakers, Asprokabos' unique microclimate helps the sub-region's grapes preserve their acidity, freshness and overall structure. Thanks to its cooler temperatures, harvest happens in September, often several weeks later than what's normal for the rest of Nemea. This sub-region is so much cooler, Pirgakis mentioned, that temperatures during the winter can drop to as low as -15 ºC.

Where the Magic Happens

Konstantinos' wines are not for the faint of heart; they are big, bold and powerful yet retain plenty of sophistication. His dad thought he was crazy making such massive wines. However, Konstantinos, who's somewhat obsessed with experimentation, meaty bodies and high alcohol content, repeatedly told us he makes what he loves to drink.

Several barrel samples of his latest vintages attest to this preference. For example, his Chardonnay, which sits in barrels for two years but still showcases plenty of delicious tropical fruit, is outright opulent and unctuous, an acquired taste for those who might prefer their Chardonnays more Emily Ratajkowski/Ryan Gosling than Kim Kardashian/Gerard Butler. Likewise, the Pirgakis Petit Verdot—we sampled the 2014 and 2015—had robust tannins, were earthy and meaty, and, above all, felt like dabbing your tongue on a black pepper mound. And that's a wonderful thing for a pseudo wine blogger obsessed with hot sauce.

Here are some of the tasting's other highlights:

The 2014 815 alt. Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Petit Verdot blend is Pirgakis' flagship wine. Konstantinos told us that this bottle, which retails at about 18 Euros, is in very high demand in places like Santorini, where restaurants sell it to clients in the know for up to 120 Euros. A pretty nose that touches on bright red fruit like raspberries and red currants, some pepper, coffee, dark chocolate and dustiness, and a nice hint of meatiness to it. It's well rounded, silky and refined with well-integrated tannins, great acidity and plenty of freshness. Started off a bit closed (and spicy) but opened up after an hour sitting in our glasses. Personally, I'd recommend decanting this big boy.

The 2016 Ktima Pirgakis Malagouzia is marked by an intense aroma of stone fruits, canned peaches and cream, Turkish delight, orange peel and lemon blossom. To the palate, it has a nice mineral backbone, a sour, almost peppery finish, some salinity, and a lovely hint of apricot and peaches that runs unencumbered through the mid-palate.

Ktima Pirgakis' Lineup

The 2016 Late Harvest Agiorgitiko is highlighted by plenty of light red fruit on the nose, some raspberries and candied strawberries, brown sugar and a lively acidity that makes it enjoyable as a simple yet somewhat enticing dessert wine. I would even dare drinking it with spicy food.

The 2014 Ktima Pirgakis Assyrtiko, which is aged sur lie, has a compelling, slightly oxidized nose marked by sweet spice, orange peel, and a pleasant nutty component. To the tongue, it has a nice breadiness combined with notes of apricots, quince, baked pears and honeysuckle. An interesting mainland Assyrtiko that might have benefited from greater acidity. Then again, maybe I'm dreaming of Santorini.

The 2014 Spilia Agiorgitiko was a revelation. I'm not a big fan of Agiorgitiko as I sometimes find wines made from this variety to be too jammy or like dipping my face in a vat full of cooked red fruit and cloves. This version, however, drank remarkably well, showing a finesse I rarely see from other Agiorgitiko wines. Dark cherries, blackberries, licorice, chocolate, smoke and plenty of meatiness dominate the nose, while the palate is marked by sour cherries, blackberries, a lovely herbal finish and great acidity that screams for this bottling to be consumed with food.

You can get in touch with Konstantinos Pirgakis via his website, Facebook (personal profile & winery page) and Instagram. His wines are usually available on The Rock at Cava Oinon Pnevmata in Nicosia.

[Said Subject]

Imagine spending two and a half hours over a fancy steak dinner talking about one of your favourite subjects with friendly and garrulous people who share your passion and (better yet) have barrels of knowledge on said subject that effortlessly make up for your amateuresque delusions of grandeur. 

In Cyprus, for example, said subject (I've come to reckon) could be how your football team is being robbed every weekend, German cars, French and Italian handbags, the struggling economy, grilling pig to succulent perfection, real estate horror stories, and erasing that stubborn line penciled in years ago in green that separates the panhandle from the wok. Here, everyone is an expert on any or all of said subjects; no matter who you speak to, they will always know more than you do and let you know in screams.

I was fortunate enough to spend the evening of November 3rd chatting with Carob Mill Restaurants' sommelier Panayiotis Daniel and consultant, WSET instructor and Greek wine blogger Gregory Michailos during Laiko Cosmos Trading's private dinner to promote Costas Lazarides wines in Cyprus. The event, held at Fogo & Brasa Churrascaria in Nicosia, gathered journalists, chefs and other wine personalities to sample latest vintages as matched with tasty food by the Brazilian eatery's chefs and receive ample information from Gregory and Chariton Maronikolakis, Costas Lazarides' PR & Marketing Manager, on the winery, its history and wine portfolio. 

Gregory Addressing the Crowd

Following this dinner, I gained a newfound appreciation for Costas Lazarides' wines. I hadn't tasted them in ages given my current infatuation with Cyprus, Naoussa and Santorini, and came out impressed. What really struck a chord with my palate was the high level of consistency; across the board, all wines were well-made, balanced, refined and quite tasty.

Starting with the highly aromatic, tropical-ish and thirst-quenching 2015 Amethystos White (a 85% Sauvignon Blanc & 15% Assyrtiko blend), the wines that evening shone bright. In my opinion, some of the highlights included the 2015 Assyrtiko from Drama, a less mineral, less acidic yet fuller expression of Greece's darling variety with lovely hints of stone fruit and white flowers, and the 2013 Amethystos Red, a Cabernet Sauvignon (70%), Merlot (20%) and Agiorgitiko (10%) blend, a wine still in its infancy with notes of black forest fruit, plums, sweet spice, coffee and green peppers that showed plenty of unbridled potential.

Veggie Risotto with Assyrtiko

All this segued into the star of the night and the winery's pride and joy: the 2008 Cava Amethystos, a 100% Cabernet Franc that is well structured and round and carries with it aromas of red berries, herbs and sweet spice. In the past, this wine used to be primarily made with Cabernet Sauvignon; however, as shared that night by Gregory, once acclaimed Bordeaux oenologist Michel Rolland laid eyes on Costas Lazarides' Cabernet Franc vineyards ("...some of the best in all of Europe..."), he motivated the winery in his position as consultant to scrap the Sauvignon in favour of the Franc.

One item is left pending from my night with the Costas Lazarides crew. Chariton mentioned in passing that one of his favourite wines in the company's portfolio is the Chateau Julia Refosco Agiorgitiko blend, a bottling that is not currently imported by Laiko Cosmos and that sounds awfully intriguing given the distinct combination of Greek and Italian varieties. Maybe that merits a trip to Northern Greece to pay them a visit, share another steak dinner and fill up the tank with yet more lengthy and entertaining conversations on my favourite said subject.

Oops?

A year ago, I posted a couple of videos on Gaia Winery's project to find out how their Thalassitis Santorini P.D.O. Assyrtiko will age underwater. Each season, about 350 bottles are locked in a steel cage and dropped in an undisclosed location off the coast of the island to be unveiled exactly five years later. This fall, the plan was to extract the 2009 Thalassitis and sample it to gauge how it fared in the depths of the Mediterranean. A few days ago, the Gaia team went to fetch the bottles and only found three of them intact. A storm had rolled through the area in 2010 and dragged the cage more than 200 meters. Of course, a tumbling cage leads to broken bottles and spilled wine. In any case, the rescued bottles drank quite well; Yiannis Paraskevopoulos was surprised by the smoky characteristics of the wine, even saying that it felt like a Santorini Assyrtiko that had spent time in oak barrels. Here's your video proof.

In The Deep Blue Sea

Here are two fascinating videos on Gaia Winery's project to find out how their Thalassitis Santorini P.D.O. Assyrtiko will age underwater. The first clip shows the actual process of submerging the wines, while the second is an interview with Yiannis Paraskevopoulos, winemaker and co-owner of Gaia, discussing this effort. Next year, they plan on comparing their 2009 cellar-aged Thalassitis to that of the same vintage that's been kept underwater in the Aegean Sea for five years. I would love to sit in on that tasting!

Three for Monday #5

* Another shining review for Greece's bootylicious variety Assyrtiko. Upon tasting the 2012 Sigalas Santorini Assyrtiko, certified sommelier and blogger Stevie Stacionis of Serious Eats called the wine "fierce."

* Wine Commanders highlights a new project by Cretan wineries Lyrarakis and Manousakis, who combined forces to create a new line of red and white blends called 2-Mazi ("Together"). Check them out as a portion of the profits will be donated to the Hellenic Society for Disabled Children.

* A good piece on daughters in New Zealand following in their father's footsteps and taking over the family business. Part of the article focuses on Villa Maria Estate, one of the island's most awarded wineries. Just in case, Cypriots, you can find Villa Maria wines at Remuage Wine Boutique in Paphos.

Budget Island Wines: The List!

In this harsh economic climate, with your pockets desperate for cash, you might have to think twice before swiping any of your credit cards for a couple bottles of ten Euro wines. Personally, I have all but given up on my dream of making out on a daily basis with bottles of pricy Burgundy and settled for Tetra Pak wines, Cypriot moonshine and the local equivalent of Natural Light, a piss-in-a-can kind of beer that brings back looooovely memories of my first year in college. All because alcohol soothes the worried heart and empty wallet.

So in honor of these perilous times and before troika (the European Commission, IMF and European Central Bank) straps us onto that torture machine known as fiscal reforms, here's a list of budget island wines (under five Euros!) to make it all seem just like a bad dream. By the way, I will update this list regularly as I ramp up my household's consumption of cheap wine. Stay tuned.

2011 Marks & Spencer Nerello Mascalese (Sicily) - Nose dominated by red fruit and plenty of smokiness. A very fruit-forward wine with touches of cherry and raspberries. Light, smooth and with chewy tannins. For 4.50 Euros, great, and one to chill a bit before serving. Plus, they redesigned the label and replaced the cork for a screw-top—it's now much snazzier. 89/100.

2010 LIDL Kritikos (Kotsifalia and Mandilaria from Crete) - Forrest fruit and cherries on the nose. Very short finish. Smooth yet simple. Okay for the four Euro price-tag. 84/100.

2011 LIDL Santorini Assyrtiko - Muted yet fresh bouquet marked by citrus, orange-like aromas. To the mouth, a citrus explosion accompanied by the vibrant acidity associated to the variety. Little minerality, short, not as complex and maybe a tad gloppy compared to higher-end versions. For €4.99, though, definitely worth drinking and great for the summer scorch. 84/100.

Treasure Hunting

LIDL is a savior. The German discount supermarket chain set up shop on The Rock last year, opening one of many stores in Protaras just a few blocks away from Whine On The Rocks' summer headquarters. Before its time, The Wife, Ph.D., and I had to lug our sun-roasted rinds all the way to Paralimni (fifteen minutes away!) to buy beer, broccoli, beef and bustiers. What's fascinating about shopping at LIDL is the element of surprise. The experience itself isn't posh, but this is made up by dirt cheap prices, excellent product quality and, best of all, the possibility of unearthing edible treasures that weren't there on a previous visit. On separate occasions, I've stumbled upon Weisswurstsenf (the sweet mustard I fell in love with in Munich), risotto with white truffles, chocolate-covered coffee beans, salmon tagliatelle and American marshmallows. Last time around, a bottle of 2011 Santorini Assyrtiko made exclusively for LIDL puppy-eyed me from its shelf and I took her (Is wine male or female? Depends on the variety, right?) home where she spent her last minutes on earth whetting my burning lips. 

 

By the way, LIDL, if you ever lay eyes on this blog, where has all the sweet mustard gone?

2011 LIDL Santorini Assyrtiko - Muted yet fresh bouquet marked by citrus, orange-like aromas. To the mouth, a citrus explosion accompanied by the vibrant acidity associated to the variety. Little minerality, short, not as complex and maybe a tad gloppy compared to higher-end versions. For €4.99, though, definitely worth drinking and great for the upcoming scorch. 84/100.

Falling Off The Rock

As a freshman at the University of Virginia, I had the ill-advised idea of taking up weightlifting. Along with my basketball-obsessed friend, Just Like Staples, we'd walk down the hill from our dorm room four or five times a week to work on our abs, pecs, quads, calves, biceps, triceps and glutes. We were focused body pumping machines, we were men on a mission to get rid of flab and buff up like cupcake batter in a warm oven. Even the cute coeds romping around in UVA tank tops, sports bras and cotton shorts—their waistbands folded once or twice over just to reveal more leg and a shapelier behind—were invisible to us.

Despite my determination to become a modern-day Latin Adonis, I faced a major obstacle. Fifteen years of high-level tennis had rendered my left arm into an inanimate limb whose sole job in life was to toss a fuzzy yellow ball a meter above my head. Bench pressing with free weights was a perilous exercise, both for my spotter's feet and whomever else dared work out to my immediate left. Using a barbell wasn't of much assistance; my left arm, pushing as if its life depended on it, hardly budged the weight while my right arm mocked it from above the thirty-degree angle created by my chest and the bar. Actually, if the plates had not been secured to the bar, they would've slipped off and drawn unwanted attention from the coeds to my frailness. Lucky for me, in both cases, Just Like Staples was forced to step in to provide a handicap for my handicapped appendage and drag me to the basketball courts where my somewhat reliable jump shot became errant mortar shells in search of a backboard. A few months later, my Mr. Olympia dreams ended, thanks to a pseudo-eating disorder that made me resemble a Brazilian runway model and then derailed into a nasty bout with tonsillitis and feverish nightmares of blowing up like Violet in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.

So why am I telling you all of this? Well, my left arm is again haunting me. I've recently started rock climbing and my problem has come to the fore, only now it's exacerbated by the fifteen extra kilos I have to lug around as part of that bitch of a process known as aging. Any move that requires me to exert pressure on my left arm ends in calamity—I fall off the rock, I cut up my fingers, I get mocked by my instructor, I grow frustrated and take out my rage on a bottle of white wine. However, I vow to continue and suffer through the pain and embarrassment of not being able to hold my own weight in this world. Even though, the more I think about it, the clearer it seems that rocks (or turning my body into a rock) are my kryptonite.

2009 Ktima Tselepos Marmarias Chardonnay (Greece) - Tight aroma with hints of guava plus peaches and cream. Not quite full and a tad short and flabby for my taste. Pears and baked apples on the palate. 86/100.

2009 Ktima Argyros Assyrtiko (Santorini, Greece) - Green apples, citrus, honey and flowers on the nose. Long, fresh and crisp with great acidity. Green apples up front, some hints of honey and minerals, and a thirst-quenching citrus finish. 90/100.

Wines Without Stories #1

Yes, I sometimes get haircuts and use gel but...

2010 Makkas Xynisteri (Cyprus) - Guava, mint and red apples with some musk on the nose. Melon and white flowers to the palate. Could use livelier acidity. 83/100.

2009 Makkas White (Chardonnay/Xynisteri) (Cyprus) - A touch of lemon on what is a tight nose. Grapefruit, peach and sea salt with good length. Superior to the Xynisteri above, which has only a bit of Chardonnay. 86/100.

2009 Makkas Maratheftiko (Cyprus) - Pinot-like in color. Red berries, pepper and chocolate on the nose with a noticeable spike in the alcohol. Bitter tannins, red fruit and a green pepper finish. 84/100.

2006 Erimoudes Constantino Cabernet Sauvignon (Cyprus) - Red berries, licorice, saw dust and vanilla in the background. To the mouth, red fruit, dark cherries and chocolate with a bitter finish. Smooth and short, good tannic structure. 88/100.

I will never shave my trademark.

2008 Domaine Sigalas Assyrtiko (Santorini, Greece) - Bouquet dominated by green apples, pears and white flowers. Nutty, honeycomb, minerality and citrus on the mouth. Great acidity. 88/100.

2009 Gentilini Robola (Kephalonia, Greece) - Interesting aroma of bay leaf and peaches. Tangy taste, citrus with an interesting savory component on the mid-palate. Long grapefruit finish. 87/100.

2010 Domaine Vlassides Xynisteri (Cyprus) - Nose of citrus, green apples, pineapple, kiwi, mint and melon. Great wine with flavors of peach, white flowers, citrus, apples and rosemary. 89/100.

2010 Kyperounda Petrites Xynisteri (Cyprus) - Peaches, grass, green apples, white flowers and some oak on the bouquet. Honey, some saltiness on the palate, but rather empty in the middle and end. Better in the past. 85/100.

Vaynerchuk And Volcanic Soils

Here's Gary (decked in preppy regalia) reviewing Assyrtiko wines by Gaia and Argyros. Good scores for good wines.

Sy-lla-bi-fi-ca-tion

My first experience at Domus, a restaurant, bar and lounge housed in an old renovated mansion within Nicosia's Venetian walls, was four years ago for drinks in the ground floor. We were tightly packed, kind of like vacuum-sealed chunks of octopi legs in olive oil. Some of us leaned up against the bar stools, others stood immobilized by the patrons trying to navigate the contrived space, all of us felt our hair stand as our heads swept the dangerously low-lying ceiling and produced static electricity. The speakers screamed and we moved our jaws to the beat of the punchy music. Men craftily unhooked brassieres with their stare while women, dressed and accessorized in labels, repealed such approaches by turning away and sharing their disgust with their girlfriends. Trying to carry a conversation with someone involved setting your lips on that person's ear and barking out questions that required either monosyllabic responses or hand gestures. Most people, some holding martini glasses or tumblers full of ice and strong liquors, were undoubtedly there "to see" and "be seen." Yet, at the end of the night, "seeing" was as far as they would go; no one there wanted high society to judge them for dragging a random stranger home for an after-party short (or long) stack of blueberry pancakes. I still thank whiskey for making my time there flash by and prevent me from bitch-slapping those fools who dared ridicule my obtuse outfit. Granted, the ground floor lounge has been renovated since I last went but I am still guessing it ain't my cup of chamomile.

On the other hand, the restaurant upstairs, thanks to its small rooms and spread-out tables, provides diners with a sense of privacy that is nonexistent below. White curtains and walls separate the many different dining spaces which in one way or another mimic the set of a David Lynch movie; framed mirrors of all shapes and sizes cover the walls, the lighting is exorbitantly dim, antique chandeliers sway above and rustic hardwood floors menacingly creak under one's footstep. The Wife, Ph.D., and I sat in a long corner table usually reserved for six, my female companion hogging the beautiful Victorian-style purplish sofa that faced the main corridor into the restaurant. Several long crystal teardrops (or, uhm, spermatozoa if you are of a one-track mind) hung from the high ceiling and provided a great deal of depth to what is basically a hallway pretending to be a dining room, while down-tempo electronic music (St. Germain and The Gotan Project, among others) played in the background. As soon as we sat, I selected the 2009 Domaine Sigalas Assyrtiko from Santorini and within a few minutes my precious was poured, revealing its citrus and mineral aromas and flavors.

The extensive menu is "gourmet" for Nicosian standards and by no means inexpensive. As a starter, we ordered a wonderfully crisp parsnip, carrot, beet, celery and Granny Smith apple salad tossed in a light yogurt dressing with fresh herbs. The Wife, Ph.D., who I intuit was a vegetarian or grass-venerating cow in a past life, loved the salad so much she asked me to replicate it at home. Instead, here's a shout-out to the chef or sous-chef: if you happen to read this, how about (pretty please) leaving the recipe as a comment and saving me countless hours of experimentation? My only caveat with the salad was that the celery was cut too thick and overwhelmed, both texture and flavor-wise, the rest of the ingredients. In any case, we followed our appetizer with a stewed hare accompanied by steamed asparagus and a basic Parmesan risotto and a pumpkin, sun-dried tomatoes and ricotta cheese risotto for the herbivorous one. The hare was meaty, juicy and tender and both risottos were creamy, packed with flavor and al dente. We enjoyed every bite of our dishes, even though, in my opinion, the portions were somewhat large for a high-end restaurant. Then again, we live on The Rock and nouvelle cuisine, molecular gastronomy and its associated bite-sized meals have not been generally well received by the locals. Remember, there's no denying that meze and its massive quantities set the rules of the domestic culinary game.

Whine On The Rocks Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

America Never Dies

Some holidays are not meant to be enjoyed. Yesterday was my choice du jour. Green Monday for those of you still unripe bananas in the art of sin or Clean Monday for those who have been bestowed by the heavens with the DNA makeup of a saint. In any case, it marks the day you are supposed to stop sinning (not if you never have, oh holy ones) and give up those foods which, when push comes to shove, are the most delicious. Say bye-bye to steak, cheese, omelets and rich eclairs.

Most years we end up in an unkempt plot of land by the beach eating greens like famished cattle and grilled seafood (no fishiness, mind you) on paper plates and with dull plastic cutlery. After lunch, the children clumsily try to fly polychromatic kites with their patient fathers or uncles as Master and Commander of the Wind, only to get frustrated as the fluttering diamonds crash onto the rough terrain for the umpteenth time. Now officially bored, the kids run off like an excited troop of monkeys to kick a football among the brush while their mothers pray there are no sprained ankles or bloodied knees. The restroom is over some weeds behind a largish fig tree and the only electricity available comes either from a portable generator or one of the pick-up truck's cigarette lighter receptacle. The trucks or jeeps or Hummers (for the posher yet more wasteful families) are essential to carry the folding chairs and tables, ice boxes, grills, disposable china and produce needed to give the luncheon a small semblance of civility. Beer is poured and wine bottles are uncorked yet for some reason the roughshod set-up, cornucopia of vegetables and dearth of dairy always put me in a finicky mood.

For a change, this year we stayed in Nicosia and enacted this lavish festivity in The Wife, Ph.D.'s godparents' backyard. The kitchen counter and dining table resembled a cross between a colorful stand in a farmer's market and your fishmonger's latest wet dream involving mollusks. I would love to list all the bulbs and leaves and seeds and nuts and fungi and maritime beasts available for the malnourishment of the guests but I fear that would read like a mean judge's sentence for a carnivore who refused to eat his green beans. Obviously, since I am an amateur chef, I chose to actively participate in the soiree by cooking up some mussels a la Provencale and stuffing my face with Russian caviar and chunks of bread generously spread with taramosalata, or what I have anointed as Poseidon's elixir. Despite my healthy servings of fish roe and The Wife, Ph.D.'s dexterity in peeling my shrimps, I still felt like I lost three kilograms just from sorely missing "real" food.

Luckily enough, wine has not (yet) been forbidden by the church on this day so we all drank merrily, some of us probably just enough to tie us down until we flew past the No-Ribeye Zone. I shared a bottle of the 2007 Santowines Grand Reserve Assyrtiko with the crowds and then opened a 2009 Moulin de Gassac's Guilhem, a bombastic and fruity Syrah, Grenache, Carignan and Cinsault blend from Languedoc Roussillon that for roughly five Euros is worth guzzling down.

As I served myself a fourth glass of wine, the pain within my empty stomach failing to subside, I heard The Wife, Ph.D.'s communist uncle exclaim (in a voice vaguely reminiscent of a born-and-bred Texan, Oklahoman or Alabaman patriot) that "America never dies!" I shook my head in dismay, wrote down the phrase on my notepad and understood then and there that turning back was no longer an option. To be honest with you, not even the arrival of a twenty-five thousand liter Petrolina tank truck filled with a First Growth Bordeaux for the masses would have salvaged the day. Just imagine my predicament: stuck on The Rock masquerading as a pescetarian for the day with the commies praising the good old USA. Damn. Lights. Out.

All By Our Lonesome

Every so often, The Wife, Ph.D., and I forget about ignore our friends and hit up the town all by our lonesome. A few nights ago, in dire need of a break from our uber demanding social obligations life, we went for a casual meal to To Pantopoleio "Kali Orexi," a contemporary Greek tavern lauded by many as one of the better eateries in town. This was our second visit to the restaurant, the first having been a great meal almost a year ago for my thirty-second birthday in company of The Brother-in-Law, Double Trouble, The Ball And Chain, Ph.D., and My Zolpidem Supplier. Just like in May, the food, service and ambiance was top-notch for Nicosia's standards.

I keep telling The Wife, Ph.D., that at some point (maybe tomorrow, maybe thirty years from now, maybe in a nightmare involving possessed Brussels sprouts with razor-sharp teeth) I am going to open a restaurant. Either gourmet hamburgers or traditional Mexican or Latin Fusion tapas matched with a carefully selected range of islands wines and fancy Belgian and American beers. As a wannabe restaurateur, To Pantopoleio combines everything I would want in a restaurant: a manageable size (seating for fifty to sixty patrons), a limited yet well-thought and balanced menu, a playful modern decor with chalkboards for walls, a large exposed spice rack and white furniture, and an efficient, non-overbearing service. Likewise, unlike in most Cypriot taverns, customers order a la carte thereby controlling the amount of food set on the table, a definite plus when one reaches those latter stages in life when obesity, high cholesterol and shaky knees become a matter of grave concern.

We started off with a bottle of the 2008 Ktima Argyros Assyrtiko from Santorini -- a Regional Trophy winner in the 2009 Decanter World Wine Awards -- a wonderful wine with a jasmine, citrus and apricot nose, loads of acidity, honeysuckle on the front, dried herbs and wet stones in the mid-palate, and a seductively tangy grapefruit finish. Then came a village salad with huge chunks of feta cheese, spicy tirokafteri (The Wife, Ph.D.'s "crystal meth" of choice), perfectly fried vegetable croquettes and a thick garlicky fava bean dip that would (rightfully) kill off Edward, Bella and the rest of the Twilight franchise. We followed our appetizers with a pork tenderloin in a light creamy herbal reduction and a pork burger in a fresh tomato sauce, both respectively accompanied by baked and fried potatoes. Despite their simplicity, both meats were awfully succulent. To top it all off after having gorged ourselves, a double espresso and a complimentary shot of mastic liqueur and Greek vin santo.

By the end of the evening, with our judgment blurred by the sweet liqueur and our bellies satiated by the excellent food, the thought of bidding good riddance to our fancy friends crossed our minds. Yes, clearing out our schedules of all future commitments would be nice. But then we pondered, "Who would receive the brunt of this blog's mockery?" There is only so much The Wife, Ph.D., can handle before curtailing my nonsense or calling up Our Divorce Lawyer and sending me back west with my literary fiction, striped socks and hundreds of CDs stuffed in a rucksack. So for now, you, dearest of friends, will have to deal with our company, love and damn idiosyncrasies...

Whine On The Rocks Rating: 5 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

Pour Some Cayena On Me

It is nearly impossible to come by good Latin American food on The Rock. Local Latinophiles craving some spice generally visit one of the many Mexican restaurants (actually more Tex-Mex than real Mex) that range from lousy (El Pueblo) to just okay (Los Bandidos in Agia Napa or Aztecas in Old Lefkosia), or one of the few Cuban bars that have recently sprung across the island. There used to be a Brazilian churrascaria in Pafos but it failed to even vaguely remind me of my childhood's Sunday lunches in Rio de Janeiro. So during one of my unfocused schizophrenic Saturday morning drives through Nicosia in search of novelty, I was shocked pleasantly surprised to come across Cayena, a Latin Fusion restaurant just a stone's throw away from the American Embassy.

Last Saturday, I dragged the Wife, Ph.D., and my ORC (Official Review Crew) -- Mike Demo and the Godmother -- to give it a go. As you enter, what first captures your attention is the restaurant's sleek, minimalist and chic design. Straight lines, fluorescent lights, windows for walls, and shades of gray and brown dominate. We sat in a booth-like table set in the middle of the room, which gave us a refreshing sense of privacy. The music consisted of down-tempo electronic, jazz and a wide array of Latin rhythms, and added plenty of warmth to the space.

The menu included the usual suspects (fajitas, chimichangas and steaks) and a few more innovative dishes (for Cypriot standards) such as moqueca, a seafood stewed in coconut milk, tomatoes and aceite de dende (palm oil), Argentine empanadas and fish cebiche. Many of the boldest items like mondongo (a tripe soup), bollos (a sort of stuffed corn cake) and matahambre (a stuffed rolled flank steak from Argentina) had been scratched out from the menu, probably a result of The Rock's rather conservative palate. The wine list was decent enough, and we settled for Gaia's 2009 Thalassitis Assyrtiko from Santorini, a wonderful wine with citrus, floral, sea salt and honeysuckle notes, lively acidity and good length. Definitely the best vintage of Thalassitis I have ever tried in my short and rather uninspiring career as a wannabe wino.

We ordered nachos, stewed mushrooms and the empanadas as appetizers, the Wife, Ph.D. chose the seafood risotto as a main and I went with the moqueca. Mike Demo wanted the cebiche but I told him that my home-made version is pretty darn good (it's healthy to once in a while toot your own horn) and that I would be happy to make it for him. In all honesty, I adapted my recipe from Diane Kennedy's The Essential Cuisines of Mexico, my Holy (Cooking) Book along with Marcella Hazan's Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking and Claudia Roden's Arabesque: A taste of Morocco, Turkey & Lebanon.

In any case, shortly thereafter the food landed on our table and we dug in. The empanada's filling was quite tasty--lean ground beef with sweet (raisins) and savory (olives) flavors--but the dough (thick and bread-y) was better suited for a Cypriot cheese pie. The chimichurri sauce, however, was runny and bland, nothing like the rich, oily and spicy marinade made in Argentina. I could have done without the mushrooms, which came submerged in what seemed to be a tomato and cream sauce with some crispy tortilla chips. The nachos consisted of Doritos topped with melted cheese, a cop-out if you ask me. According to the Wife, Ph.D., a nacho connoisseur par excellence, "memorable" nachos should be served with chilli, re-fried beans, lettuce, chopped tomatoes, guacamole, sour cream, melted cheese, and fresh salsa. The seafood risotto was properly cooked and creamy but meager when it came to actual chunks of fish, shrimp and other marine invertebrates. The moqueca, jam-packed white fish, fresh salmon (?!?) and shrimp, was overwhelmed by a tomato cream sauce not unlike that served with the mushroom starter. Besides the seafood, the key to a good moqueca (at least the Bahia one) is the coconut milk and palm oil, two ingredients that were hardly discernible in Cayena's version. The fried yucca (cassava) that accompanied the fish stew added some Latin flair to the dish, though I would have preferred if they had been a tad thinner and crispier.

Overall, the food, though not truly authentic (or "Fusion" for that matter) and most definitely adapted to better suit The Rock's culinary preferences, was solid enough to merit a repeat visit. Next time, however, I will go for that sexy chimichanga that spent most of its short existence ogling me from a nearby table and later that night haunted my sleep.

Whine On The Rocks Rating: 3 out of 5 Sparkling Spatulas

Standing Tall

Whenever I see my parents, Mr. Flog and Mrs. Broken Record, I make sure to take with me a couple bottles of The Rock's and/or Greece's finest. Even though Mr. Flog has a soft spot for Argentine Malbec--my theory is that it reminds him of his youth in San Juan and all the beautiful ladies--he loves most wines and generally  appreciates whatever I pour for him. So on Christmas, to the chagrin of The Wife, Ph.D., a day we hardly celebrate, I decided to organize a proper wine tasting with the 2008 Zambartas Maratheftiko and 2007 Hatzidakis Barrel-Fermented Assyrtiko from Santorini I had lugged across the Atlantic. I also bought a bottle of New Zealand's 2007 Millsreef Reserve Malbec Merlot, just in case us alcoholics needed an additional fix post-tasting. My mother invited the Creamy Family (Pae Cream, Mae Cream, Filha Cream and Bibi) for leftovers, wine and the ridiculing of her oldest son. Cousin #3, a Ph.D. student in Sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, was also there, as well as my youngest brother, Shawarma Leg Lover, weapons upholstered, ready to mock whomever braved to stand tall before him.

And so I realized that no one in my family besides my father (and The Wife, Ph.D., so long as I don't lash out too much against her beloved island) takes this blog (and my wine tastings) half-seriously. Mrs. Broken Record does not drink wine; woman is hardcore and only consumes single malt whiskey with a Negra Modelo beer as a chaser. Cousin #3 seemed confused throughout the event, while my brother tried his darn hardest to embarrass me. The Creamy family, innocent bystanders to what Shawarma Leg Lover calls "our messed up family dynamics," just sat there and occasionally laughed, probably pretending to enjoy the process. Voila the results.

2007 Hatzidakis Barrel-Fermented Santorini Assyrtiko - Subtle yet fresh nose with floral and nutty notes, maybe a tad too much oak. Flavors mentioned included green apples, honey, quince, pineapple (this was my brother so please take it with a grain of salt), some herbs like rosemary, freshly baked bread and spices. Overall, a long-lasting, very dry, very round and mineral wine with excellent acidity. The Wife, Ph.D., and I gave it a 92/100, while Mr. Flog, obviously biased towards red wine, rated it an (unforgivable, in my opinion) 85/100.

2008 Zambartas Maratheftiko - Tight nose with hints of cherries, strawberries, licorice, roses and violets. A medium-bodied wine with a short finish. Slightly tannic yet with excellent flavor according to Pae Cream. Dark berries and plum on the front end and interesting spice (cloves, pepper) on the back end. 88+/100.